Anger can be a fiery expression of our energy, and a fiery energy can definitively fuel our inner driver and foster good will in the world.
However, most of the time, anger is an authoritarian emotion that escapes our control and lashes out at others with no discernment. Anger destroys safety, trust, and connection.
More importantly, anger makes us numb, in the moment, to the pain we cause others. Who hasn’t felt post-anger shame ? Unless you are completely run by anger and hatred – which most of us are not- you know what I’m talking about.
Anger can protect our ego. Anger is the opposite of vulnerability. Ego hates vulnerability. Therefore, the power of anger is to protect us from our vulnerability.
The power of compassion is to embrace vulnerability as the foundation of a fiery energy.
Is it possible to transform our anger (with its daily variations of irritation, contempt, judgment, frustration, resentment, or hatred) into a fiery energy that fuels our purpose – meaning allows for anything more creative than our angry self? I don’t know and I’d love to hear your thoughts about this question.
What I know is that, if we need tenderness and compassion, more than ever, we also need that fiery energy.
Great points, Carole! When dealing with angry people, the natural response for me is to be angry back. This helps get me on track with the awareness that it isn’t about me, or me defending myself, but about them and the staying with the my goal. I appreciate your post today as a reminder to stay at the source whenever possible.
I appreciate your reflection about staying with your goal – Thanks for sharing, Rhonda!
One of my favourite programs at the Haven Institute was Anger, Boundaries and Safety. It was the first time I learned how to responsibly express my anger. It helped me develop a more positive relationship with my aggress energy, what I think you mean by “fiery expression”. On the Haven website they aptly describe the challenges many of us face when expressing anger, which can easily slip into emotional (and sometimes physical) violence.
“Few emotions are more feared than anger. While some use the fear associated with unsafe, unboundaried anger expression to control, others limit their lives by continually trying to avoid any hint of anger. With either approach, the emotional constriction, physical dis-ease, and relationship dysfunction that result are life diminishing. Anger is a natural feeling that exists in all of us, and when expressed in a safe and boundaried manner, anger is passionate, life enhancing, and relationship constructive.”
Thanks Ian, this is a very helpful explanation that articulates exactly what I mean!
Yes, I do believe that anger channeled correctly can be used to fuel action. Unfortunately, most people hold on to past hurts, slights and abuses in a metaphysical gunnysack, that when not processed can both leak and even explode with disastrous effects. Leaking anger looks like snide comments, sarcasm and underhanded digs; it doesn’t feel good on either side of it. The key is process anger safely, with harm to none, not to yourself or anyone else. This can be done through venting in private: writing, pounding pillows, silent screaming and many other very powerful and yet safe emotional release methods.
Love that you are talking about this, Carole! So many people never take responsibility for off-gassing their unprocessed emotions into the collective and wonder why they come back to them, either personally or collectively via difficult situations. Duh!
Thanks Aimée for your thoughtful and helpful comment about managing anger.