April 25, 2016 Carole Levy

All I need is…


Following up on my last month’s experimentation to refuse anger and rigidity in my life, I decided to focus on humility and patience instead. Therefore, I could relax about my anger and rigidity commitment for awhile. I confess: I didn’t make spectacular progress. However, I did notice three things about my anger/rigidity that I’d like to share with you:

  • 1- Increased detachment from my angry self

It wasn’t that I didn’t get angry, but I was more observant of my anger and thus, it didn’t last as long.puppet

  • 2- Increased awareness of my outbursts

 I usually use the image of “tapes” (like in the good old 80’s), but since Vinyls are back in our modern life (which makes me SO SO happy), here is an LP compilation of my personal Best Anger Songs Ever!


  • 3- Increased clarity that there is no fun where there is anger.

Here is a story in point: One night on our way passed the SF airport, I spent at least 20 minutes arguing with my husband about the multitude of fixed lights in the horizon. I said they were lampposts used to guide planes to their landing. My husband in his counter-argument said they were not lampposts, but planes lined up waiting to land. I was so angry. I was so sure I was right. I needed so badly for these luminous points to be fixed lights. I could have easily embraced my husband’s perception and been creative and playful with him. He would have loved it. I could have involved our daughter in an imaginary game about what else these mysterious lights in the sky could be (even though at 14 and half, she no longer plays any games with her parents!). I could have let my mind wander and opened new synapses in my brain… Instead, as my mentor Claire Nuer would have said, I just wanted to strangle my husband. It took me the rest of the trip to recognize that my husband was probably right, and most importantly, that it was no big deal.

This is a perfect illustration of a lack of fun and creativity in my life when I’m caught up in my anger, rigidity and righteousness. Fighting to be right? Really? When all I need is Love. Love, Love, Love. All I need is Love…

What are your anger songs? Where do you desperately need to see fixed lights in your life? What helps you to detach from your attachment to your anger and rigidity? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

(Whoops, I forgot to talk about humility and patience… Next time perhaps!)




Comments (12)

  1. Rick Manella

    I so look forward to your posts. A little humor, and your honest sharing helps me face my self-defeating negative tendencies with some honesty, yet peace and hope, as well as helps me to have a bit more understanding and acceptance of others. Thank you. Look forward to post on humility and patience!

    • Thanks so much for your comment Rick! “Honesty”, “Peace” and “Hope”, that’s what keeps me going! (and hopefully, humility and patience are joining soon)

  2. I will be singing these familiar angry songs all day, which will keep me laughing and happy. That’s the paradoxical magic of Carole Levy. Exposing and Illuminating the brutal truth with levity which instantly makes us feel better. She reminds us that we can learn and change by adopting a humorous approach to our foibles. So refreshing!

  3. Jean-Pierre Guilhaume

    Magnific, so poetic, so true.
    So, by observing oneself, being the witness of my human condition, I might see the LIGHTS,
    whatever they are, at the end of the tunnel…
    Thank you for your wisdom dear Carole.

    • Dear Jean-Pierre, Yes, the lights are at the end of the tunnel, as long as you’re not fixed on them! I’m glad that you appreciate my wisdom…

  4. Very timely reminder as I just got off the phone with my insurance company. When power imbalances are part my scenario, I can really loose it. However, if I just take a breathe and engage without anger, I usually can engage the other person to understand my deeper needs and to help me get there. If I hit back hard, they just stay behind their institutional power. Seems this is an ongoing learning that I need practice with.

    • I’m glad, Ian, that you are mentioning the power imbalance as part of the anger problem. I’m seeing more and more the connection of anger with loss of control/power. More to ponder. Thanks for your comment.

  5. We may see different things, but the anger outbursts could also come from physical stuff like too high blood sugar levels (been there). Always good to have a check-up every now and then, especially as you (me? yes me too) get older. Thanks for the post again Carole,

    Peace & Love to all,

    • Hi Riia, I think you’re right too: physical or hormonal imbalance are as impactful as power imbalance! Everything has to be taken into account when we try to establish peace!

  6. Robin

    Both brilliant and funny, as usual, Carole! BTW, I’m pretty sure I’ve had that LP in my collection for years… 😉

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