Dear friends,
My apologies if you recently tried to go on my website and couldn’t access the page. My website was infected by a virus and has been periodically down ever since. I don’t know if it is a lesson from the universe about boundaries, or about impermanence, or simply a good excuse not to blog! I have had zero time to write in the last seven weeks anyway. But now I’m back! I’m still having technical issues and time shortage, but I’m determined to create space for blogging. I’m launching a new series on Hot Button Mastery. Stay tuned and please indulge me in my inconsistent rhythm. I look forward to hearing from you again soon.
Carole
Introduction
What if we could evolve enough to catch our ineffective reactions, laugh at them, clean them up and move on? What if we could avoid our ineffective reactions altogether?
Transforming our hot buttons is an indispensable skill to being a leader the XXI century*.
*To learn about another skill to be a leader in the XXI century, read Asking for help in the XXI century.
In my blog Don’t push my unsusbcribe blog button, I described thoroughly my hot button as related to feeling like rejected and not good enough. However, I didn’t say a word about getting rid of hot buttons. This will be the subject of my upcoming series.
Definitions and samples
A hot button is a point of sensitivity that represents a threat to our self-worth. It’s the top of the iceberg of our ego*. When a hot button is triggered, our perception of reality is distorted. We react ineffectively with a fight or flight response**. Our options are limited. In other words, we “retract in our box”.
*The Ego: the constant preoccupation with one’s self-worth. At Learning as Leadership (LAL), we refer to a Pinch® as the reactive mechanism when a hot button is triggered.
Hot buttons are like mine fields, dangerous whether active or inactive. But contrary to mine fields – which are mean and ignoble- hot buttons can be our allies and contribute to our growth. Recognizing that there is a field -and naming it- is a first step toward solution.
I’m sharing my personal list of hot buttons, in case it can help you identify your own. Feel free to copy my list since this is an area of my life where I am not competitive or territorial at all. Feel free to send me a version of your hot buttons. Together, we can create an amazing collective repertory of fears and irrational believes that will help us feel joined in our flaw, as well as alleviate the misunderstandings and false conclusions that pervade human relationships. I can’t wait to be part of this neurotic community!
My hot button field, organized in three categories:
Please, highlight the ones you relate to and add yours!
I-About my intrinsic worth
Being less than
Being a disappointment
Being weak and vulnerable
Not being a good human being
Being selfish
Being greedy
Being self-centered
Being arrogant
Being ignorant
Not being loveable
Not being desirable
Being self-righteous
Being wrong
II- About my competency
Being incompetent
Not being good enough
Being a failure as a mother
Being unprofessional
Being incapable
Being a failure as a spouse
Being confused and inarticulate
Being a fraud
Being out of my league
Being a failure as a consultant
Being irresponsible with money
III- About how others treat me (a consequence of my lack of intrinsic worth or lack of performance)
Being unfairly treated
Not being heard
Not being respected
Being rejected
Being excluded
Being challenged in my leadership
Being taken advantage of
Being let down
Being disregarded
Being judged
Being dismissed
Being controlled and limited
Being over-powered
Being told what to do
Being made fun of
Being criticized
Being victimized
Not being taken cared of
Being ignored
Being invisible
I get incensed when you assume I have Hot Buttons! LOL
LOL too! I’m sorry to answer so late. My emails doesn’t deliver comments anymore.